DON"T TOUCH THE CORAL REEF!

I want to apologize for not updating this sooner. Life has been busy and will continue to be busy until next year with football season being in full-swing. It’s better to not be busy but having season football tickets keeps you moving. I have a ton of stories and updates but I haven’t taken time to update the system but I will; hopefully soon. I will try and do some of that this weekend.

Anyway, I thought of a story that made me laugh out loud just thinking about it so I’m going to share it with you. This chronicles my spring break trip my senior year of college.

It actually started the day after my 22nd birthday. That’s March 11th, 2000 for those of you keeping score at home. We went out in Chapel Hill for my birthday then Kipke and I started off on our journey to Key West the following morning. I was not up to par if you can imagine. Kipke took it easy the night before so he could drive the first leg of the trip starting at 8 AM. I slept in the passenger seat until about noon when I woke up to see a tractor trailer about 4 feet from the front of my green Mazda protégé. I said “What the hell are you doing!?” Kipke calmly replied “Drafting. Watch.” He then backed up and the car shook from the air then he pulled back into the draft and it was noticeably smoother and helped mileage according to him. I told him to make sure not to hit the truck and went back to sleep.

I took my turn and he slept around 2. We stopped only to gas up and eat. We got into Miami around 10 PM. Miami was pretty scary. It would be fine one block then you would be in the heart of the ghetto the next. Interesting zoning that they have there. So, we had to gas up before we headed out to the island roads. We pulled into what looked like a normal gas station. We tried to pump gas but it blocked us until we prepaid. Shortly after that a couple big black dudes with 40s in paper bags came out from behind the store and were watching us. We looked like two preppy college kids in our cargo shorts and golf shirts (mine was likely frat tucked). I wonder if they noticed the NY MAFIA license tag on the front of the car. I went into the bathroom. I stood there for 5 seconds and the light went out. I thought “Oh Shit, I’m going to die.” I then thought, I have to go so I might as well finish up. So, I left and realized that it was just a timer on the light. I went towards the car and Kipke headed to the bathroom. I thought “I should warm him about the light, then I thought no, that’s no fun.” He got as scared as me. By this time, the two black guys with 40s had grown to 4 and they began to fight each other. We quickly got in the car and went on our way. It was pretty intimidating.

We then drove through Miami and on to the Keys. We got in around 1 AM to stay with his cousin. We were staying in a tent in the back yard. No big deal if you’re young. The first night was hard to fall asleep but the rest were easy.

Key West is a cool town. However, I have no desire to go back now that I am older. It’s perfect for spring break but nothing much else is there. I don’t know what I would do.

We would wake up fairly early for us around 10 then go to the beach and hangout and nap. Michael Klett, Troy, Organ, and Johnner were all down there as well. They were staying at Jabronies camp site. It’s not really called Jabronies but it is close to that and that’s what I called it. Jabor’s is the real name I think. We hung out with them the whole week.

They called Kipke and I the ambiguously gay duo the whole weekend because we had a scooter to get around on. Yes, imagine Kipke driving and me on the back of the scooter going around town. I’m sure that it was pretty comical to see. Of course, Key West is known for its gay population so no one ever gave us a second glance but our group made fun of us; deservedly so.

All week we went out to a place called Mike’s; I think. They had a special from 6-10 for all that you could drink for $20. This was an amazing deal so we did that each night. We would go in about 7 and play bubble hockey until the rest of the normal people would show up around 11. Kipke and I dominated but that should be expected. Like most things in life UNC enacts domination over NC State. It’s just life so accept it State fans. We love you anyway. That includes you Andrew. The highlight of bubble hockey came in a game between Kipke and I vs. Chea and Klett (the best NC State team). It was all tied and the time was out so the next goal was going to win. I had the puck in front of the net manned by Klett. I scored the most amazing goal in bubble hockey history. Everyone who saw it agreed so I’m not bragging. Well, I am but it has been confirmed by others as the best bubble hockey goal of all time. I used a crossover move to score. I tipped the puck one way spun around and then tipped it back and slammed it in. I could never replicate it but it was a thing of beauty. We actually acted it out many times over the week.

One day, we were on the beach and a salesman came up to us. He was selling 8 AM snorkel cruises. We all said “No way in hell I’m getting up at 7 to go on a snorkel cruise.” Well, the guy sold Klett on it and Klett sold us on the idea that “we may never be here again, let’s go look at the coral reef, a group of girls signed up for the morning cruise, all you can drink on the way back included” So, $40 later we are all signed up for the following morning. We went out like normal. Did you actually think that we would go easy and prepare for AM snorkeling? Not a chance. The next morning came early and was quite painful. It was a great time to go out on a boat let me tell you.

There was our group and then a group of girls on the boat. It became apparent that the girls choose the morning trip because they didn’t want to be around any guys. Yeah for us! So, on the trip to the coral reef they go over all the rules for snorkeling and they beat into us the main rule. DO NOT TOUCH THE REEF! If they said it once, they said it at least 37 times. DO NOT TOUCH THE REEF! It is a living organism that dies if you touch it. So, we continue on our long ride and finally get there. Did I mention that a boat ride is totally awesome when you drank too much the night before?

So, we get to the reef. We have to swim a half mile to get to it but there are buoys around it so you can find it. The water is pretty choppy that morning. It is white capping in some spots but we make the swim out there. The reef is not very large but there are some pretty fish. Sadly, you cannot see that far because the water is so choppy. It’s also only 20 feet big and maybe 5 feet from the surface so there isn’t much to see.

We swam the half mile out to this little rock to see a couple fish. It’s not that great and no one is feeling good so many people begin to get tired and need to rest. Several of us are just floating there relaxing in our life jackets when I decide to swim around and look some more. I see Chea standing on the middle of the reef and then he starts walking around on it like he’s in a pool. I laughed so hard that I started to choke on salt water. He was not heeding the DO NOT TOUCH THE REEF! warning. It was classic. This is what inspired me to write this story. I can still see his flippers standing on the reef. “Killing it”

The water started to get a little worse so we were called back to the boat. I about gave up life for five minutes on this swim. I was not feeling first-rate. The choppy water made the swim very tough. I began to swallow large amounts of salt water. I then began to put that salt water back in the ocean along with my breakfast. This happened several times over the swim and at one point. I thought “This is it. I’m going to drown, no need to fight it anymore.” I sat there and didn’t drown. The life vest was working. So, I thought “I’m not going to die. I have to swim to the boat.” So, I did. I then slept the entire ride back and got a little sunburn on my back.

We spent a couple more days there but nothing really of note happened.

So, we drove to Jacksonville to stop off and visit our neighbor who was having break there. We stopped on Friday. No one was home so we walked over to a bar to watch the UNC NCAA tournament game. I went to bed around 10 because the people there were driving me insane. I woke up and was going to drive back even though Kipke said he was staying Saturday. I got up at 7 and told him to get up because I was going back due to rain in the area. He decided to get up and we were back in Chapel Hill that afternoon.

I think that we slept until Monday getting up only to watch basketball and then we were back to normal. Good Times.